Goodbye

It's been a while.

April starts tomorrow, and for reminiscing March, all I can say is : March is a wet month. I cried a lot, I do mistakes a lot, I hurt people a lot, and I did make my mom cry.

I earned my first broken heart from my first love this month, I cried a lot for that. But, I wake up and I found someone new. Someone I know would put my heart back to normal, and someone I know would never hurt me even if I hurt him. He will constantly making me laugh, and I know he doesn't try to do that. He never try. He just did. And I don't need chocolate to prove that. And that's what I get from 212521 and Sunday. 2 boys that have making me stronger and 2 boys that have given me a lesson that believe me, I wouldn't forget for the rest of my life.

I earn my biggest fight with my parents this month. And that's all is my fault. I am selfish, I am careless, I am mean, I am a devil and a demon. I am a pain for everyone. And for my whole life, I never actually have try to fix myself. I kept running around making scar in my family's heart and especially in my mom's heart. I am not a girl who have a big ego, and I never been able to tell what I feel. But deep in my heart, I am sorry. I'm sorry, Mom. I really do. And I know I didn't say it. But I'm sorry.

I earn strenghth from my best friends this month. I feel the strugle of my friend, how she survive from the death of her beloved one, and how she's in pain in her own house. I feel the unloved feeling from my other friend, how they tell me about their parents. I realised I'm lucky, I'm lucky, lucky, lucky. I have a loving parents, God smiles on my little brother, inside and out he's better than I am. My friends are not as lucky as I am, but they're not like me. They're thankful, they're nice, and all I do is try to be like them.

And last but not least, I earn new resolution. I swear I'll be a better girl. I swear I will try. Am I sound like someone's dying? But, yeah. I cried a lot, but I earned lessons this month. So, March is actually a pretty deep month.

And you, earn a goodbye from me. As a punishement for my serious attitude I've done, my parents took my netbook and my radio. So, no internet and music for me for a month if I behave. It's a hell for me, but I earned it. It's my fault. So, I won't write any posts and on on disqus nor YouTube for at least 1 month. It's for the good, isn't it?

Don't look for me.
May the odds be ever in your favor
Goodbye,
Frey

Holy Ground

I was reminiscing the other day, while having coffee all alone and Lord it took me away. Back to the first glance feeling on the first day of may. Back when you fit in my poems like a perfect rhymes. Took off faster than a green light, shouting "Go!". You skipped the conversation when  you already know, I left a note on the door with a joke we'd made and that was the first day.

And darling it was good, never looking down. And right there, beetwen the two class, where we stood is Holy Ground.

Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress, we had this big wide city all to ourselves. We blocked the noise with the sound of 'I need you' and for the first time I had something to lose. And I guess we fell apart in the usual way and the story got dust on every page. But sometimes I wonder how you think about it now, and I see your face in every crowd.

And darling it was good, never looking down. And right there, beetwen the two class, where we stood is Holy Ground.

Tonight I'm gonna dance, for all that we've been through. Tonight I'm gonna dance, like you were in this room. But i don't wanna dance, if I'm not dancing with you.

Right there where we stood is holy ground

RED

You could not believe what just happen to me....

I don't want to show off but.. I'm going to the RED tour!! It's in MEIS Ancol on like 18.00, 4th of June! I tell you what, I never thought we have a lot of freak swiftie like me out there in Indonesia but believe me, there's ZILLIONS of them. They open the ticket locket on a few Seven Eleven in Jakarta and on online on 4 o'clock in the AFTERNOON, but there's some freaks who waits from 7 in the MORNING. Just for Taylor. I thought there weren't other swiftie that's crazier than ME. I mean, I sleep with Speak Now World Tour Live CD on in my stereo like a whole night. And I still listens to her in the morning, noon, afternoon and night. Is there any freak would be freaker and crazier than that?

Unfortunately, there is. There's this man who bought 4 TICKETS on the DIAMOND section that cost 4 MILLION EACH. And he bought 4. The totall money he paid is 16 million. I'm looking at that amount of rupiah and I believe I spit on my mom's laptop screen. And other fun fact, The Diamond in every section, The Ruby and the Bronze sold out in ONE HOUR. God, Zahra was right.. When my mom bought the ticket online later this afternoon, I was anxiously annoyingly waiting next to her and I was literally praying and all because the page couldn't load. And before that, the lights on my house was turned off, I almost died when the lights finally on again and I really scream "HA! THE ODDS IS STILL IN MY FAVOR! HAHAH!"

It took my mom almost an hour before we could buy the tickets, and in like 10 minutes 500 (more) tickets was already sold. These swifties are nuts.

Oh well, at least I'm not the only one who's cray cray. And I'll save my nail polish for 13.

Hope ya'll have an awesome week,
May the odds be ever in your favor,
Frey

Swamp Family

Hey ya'll. It's been a while..

Okay, so I found this channel : grav3yardgirl, the youtuber name is Bunny, she's a girl obviously. And she makes random types of video. She makes this series name : DOES THIS THING REALLY WORK? Where she buy random new products, as seen on TV or the never seen one, and then test it in a video to know if that thing really works. Bunny is from texas so she have this funny accent like actors in The Help and she is hillarious. Very hillarious. I peed in my pants later this afternoon while I watch the video. No, seriously. She called her subscriber, not a subscriber, but Swamp Family. I've become a Swamp Family :D She always has this thing for Aligators. She always say : 'Hit that button and subscribe. Become the member of Swamp Family and give the aligator its wings' towards the ends of her video. She always have this odd habbit doing Sipy Sipy when she sips her tea (she loves tea) and say 'Ahhhh' while she violently throw her head back. She's so hillarious. Here's some of her vids so you could go to her channel at this blue sentence and hit that button, subscribe and give the alligator its wings.

So, since I have to study for tomorrow's final exam (god, final exam makes me feel more sad because I only have 2 or 3 months with my besties, either it's boy or a girl. Hiks.), I gotta go. 

So take a minute and hit that button and like this post, and give this alligator its wings.

Hope ya'll have a great weekend,

May the odds be ever in your favor

Frey

Kid's Choice Award

Okay, I know I have to study.. But I still have time this afternoon to sit here and do nothing. But instead of looking like a pathetic and doing nothing here, I'll vote for the Kid's Choice Award. It's on here. Believe me, there's  a lot of categories.Favorite Actor, Favorite Actress, Favorite Female Singer, Favorite Male Singer, Favorite Book, Favorite Movie, and many other Favorite. There's some tricky options on some nominations, but when it comes to male nomination but I don't even know who the hell they are and what they do, I just pick the good looking one.

Lately, I'm addicted with Jennifer Lawrence and The Hunger Games of course. And also, I have addicted with Tolkien's The Hobbit too. And lately, I really love Diary of Wimpy Kid AND Harry Potter (True Potterhead here) too. Then, I've watch Sandra Bullock and  a lot lately. This is why when it gets Favorite Female Buttkicker and Favorite Book, I get confused. In Favorite Female Buttkicker, there's Sandra Bullock for Gravity, Jennifer Lawrence on The Hunger Games : Catching Fire, Evangeline Lilly for The Hobbit, and Jena Malone (I think) for The Hunger Games : Catching Fire. I'm lost. I love all the movies in the nomination and especially, the actresses. What do I have to choose?? But then, I'll stick on Jennifer. Just because I love you Katniss. And Suzanne too.

Then when it comes to the Favorite Book, I get lost even more. There's Diary of Wimpy Kid, Harry Potter Series, The Hobbit AND The Hunger Games Series. I mean come on. They all darlings and I love them all. ALL. Okay, I'll leave The Hobbit, just for now. But then, it comes to Wimpy Kid, Potter and The Games. I think I'm gonna leave the Wimpy Kid, just for now again. And there's still Potter and Katniss. Ugh, who to choose? Ah, screw. I'll pick them both. I could for the second time.

But then, Taylor nominated too. Yay! Also, Katy Perry, Selena Gomez and many other big artists. I've heard (I hope it's not true), COBOY JUNIOR is going to be nominated too. And I was like "What the hell..?" Man, it's coboy junior. Didn't KCA have other better option? I'm sorry for my friend there, Bryan. I'm really sorry if you really are a Comate. I'm just telling the truth here. Well, I don't know yet, I'll run through the voting part. Well, I didn't see them but I search and they were nominated for Favorite Asian Act. But after I put that on the link, nothing happens so... I don't know. Even if they showed up I wouldn't pick them.

So, if you guys want to vote the link is above there somewhere in the blue 'here' thingy, but if you're too lazy to go all the way up again, the link is in this blue underlined thingie.

I hope you had a great day :)
May the odds be ever in your favor,
Frey

To Survive This Week

I just realise I'm overwhelmed. There's a lot of big tests, like a lot and it's so goshdamn frustating. I don't know if it's just my school or any other school did this mean thing too, but they make us do 5 more try outs then it usually are. It's 5, man. It'll be nothing if it's just 1 or 2, but this is 5. 5 ya'll. Oh I'm sorry, did I said 5? I mean 6. I just notice the little "Arabic" note on my paper. Yeah, so 5 plus the Arabic. Make it 6. Like come on, I'm getting lack of sleep, I'm pretty sick this week, I'm stressed this week and all. Then there's still the UTS thingies. When will it end?! Did you feel the same? You, yes you, 6 grader out there?

And, yesterday, my stomach had a totall meltdown. I don't know if it's mad at me, or just tired. I woke up in the morning, feeling sick and trying not to throw up. I didn't eat the breakfast that morning because I'm scared the bread will sneak out again. So, I didn't eat until the recess and when I did, I eat half of a burger. I stopped because I felt really sick, I run to the school's toilet and then throw up. I vomit all the energies I need. So that's the first, after that, everytime i stand up I feel like I'll throw all of what's inside my body. But, I still need to eat, then in the noon, I have to eat something and when I do, I throw up again. After that, I throw twice more. Believe me, It's not fun being me yesterday. Yes, yes, I'm pathetic. Just say it, won't bothers me. Guess that the odds are not in my favor this moment.

So here I am, looking so freaking creepy with the panda eyes, big-mommy cardigan, and lots of papers around me. My only question now is not about IPS or anything. Can I survive this week?!

I hope you who's in my grade now, or in my age understands me. Hope ya'll have a great day.
May the odds be ever in your favor,
Frey

Coffee

Yes, I know I'm not even 12... But I'm already a coffee addict. Coffee lover? The lover of coffee? Well I don't know, just call it whatever you want.

The only brand that makes me fell in love in first drink is Starbucks. Don't you just love starbucks? I mean, how the smell of coffee in the air when you walk in just makes me so happy. I know I have a lot of options, but I'm seriously in love with Vanilla Latte. I at least have to drink one of them once a week, just to satisfy myself and makes me concentrated. I don't know if this is true, but I think coffee do makes me focus. I'm an ADD sufferer, ADD means I couldn't just focus in one thing, never. Everytime I do something, some other thoughts will popped into my brain and blew everything. Like now, I was thinking of how nice it is to take a shower until coffee pops in again. It sucks seriously, but anyway, I'm talking about coffee now. Not my ADD.

So, about 2 or 3 weeks ago, I found a Starbucks' iced coffee ready brew and sweetened in my mom's cooking drawer and when I tried it, it tasted EXACTLY like vanilla latte if you pour it with greenfield milk. Seriously, I'm enjoying my exploration that day because I could finally brought starbucks home. So, for you coffee addict outside.. if you don't know this thing yet, and you want to try it. Here's the pic :

I captured it with my webcam and the quality is not good so, I'm so sorry. And I'm upside downing my netbook for this so thank me later. I think this'll nice with hot milk too, I'm gonna try it when I started studying tonight.

I hope you had a nice day, like mine.
May the odds be ever in your favor :)
Frey

The Beautiful Moment

Yep, the teachers makes us to do this thing. Again. This time, the whole 6 grader were in and you know, it was much more fun if the boys and the girls are together. Honest. The teacher told us to bring along one corn and I thought they were kidding but, they even have the burning thingy. And they even have coals. So, we burn sausages and our corns in the night after we study and watch Forrest Gump together. It was real fun. The smoke was everywhere, the laughs was everywhere, and the fire makes the lights go wild and seriously, it was the most beautiful moment in my entire life. We were all together and that's more than enough for me. I swore to myself I will remember this moment forever. The boys were damn funny, they fan the corns but sometimes they fan themseleves. We were laughing so hard. But the annoying part is my corn didn't get to get burned so I just eat the sausage. But, I don't mind, the sausage's really good. Even though I didn't get to burn them, either. Before that, we were praying and studying and everything in the musholla and seriously, it was damn hot. Like veryyyy hooott. I was sweating, my hair was wet and my face turn greasy after 5 minutes.

And what's even more annoying is we have to wake up at 5 a m and the teacher didn't let us to sleep again. Ughhh.. But, later that night when we were watching Forrest Gump (I've watched it for like 1000 times so I remember all the details.), I was sitting right next to him and seriously, I laughed more often than I focus to the film because he was really funny. All kinds of things that he did, like.. how he move and how he breathe. It was just... You know. And I could see him smiling closer than I ever seen so, yeah. Then, when we finally get to sleep, I was doing riddiculous thing with my bestie, Tiwi. We went to the toilet, pass to the boys room and I watch them sleeping for a while. But i didn't get to see  them. It was real dark. Then in the bathroom, she open up her veil and seriously, her hair was as thick as rapunzel's hair and it was as long as her waist. I think It was longer than her waist. Anyway, I braid her hair and she practically turned into an indonesian rapunzel. Then when we go back to the room, there's 2 other girls that haven't sleep yet and we braid each other's hair. Then we finally went to sleep on 1 o' clock. Oh yeah, the lights went off for a minute before that, and we thought it was gonna last forever and we started screaming because it was so dark. but, it was on before we could save ourself. we, girls, are hard to get to sleep so the miss who's get to watch us is screaming to makes us sleep but we still screaming and laughing and everything. It was fun.

Then in the morning, we, 6th grader, have to perform in front of like 50 parents. We have to went home and clean ourself. And when I have to go back, I have to go with motorcycle. When we're close to the school, I saw his car and I was saying dirty words because I was soo embarrased. But after that, I get shaking and else because we have to perform in that much of an audience. Hadahadahada..

And then, I went back home and sleep from 14.00 in the saturday and wake up on 8 am in Sunday. I woke up in the night before that just to get a dinner then go back to hibernate. That was my record.

I went to get some vintage dresses with my mom and I was freaking happy :D But now, I have to study my butts of for tomorrow's try out. Georgeous.

I hope you have a great week :)
May the odds be ever in your favor,
Frey

Reborn

Yep. i'm reborn. From all those fightings and jealouses, and not-communicating thingies, we finally gave it up. Yep, you're lucky. There'll be no craps about my love life, with him or any other boy. But I do like another boy, though.

So, I'll stop craping around talking about love. No. I'll just talk about my last days in 6 grader, my girl best friends, my boy bestfriends, my 'sparks fly', and photos. Just that. In my last post, I talk about this boy that gave me butterflies and his smile is so damn beautiful, that I see sparks fly when he smiled. I mean it. I just mention it so in the future I don't have to mention it. I know the boy wouldn't like if I blabber around about him. Now, I'm reborn! Bet you happy with this new me because this new me are not that LEBAY. Okay, today, after fearless, I just want to share some picture of.. my hand.

 That's what Taylor said and I am agree with her.

That's what Taylor said again and I feel this feeling.

I also pack up everything about the last him and thow it all to a box then throw the box into my upper drawer of my closet. Not 'that' closet but the closet you use to keep your clothes. I'm literally sharing my body part to the world. Is that bad? And, fun fact : I have the JANICE voice. I kinda lost my voice. I said kind of. Not forever. My voice is like a radio trying to get a good signal. Once it's so good, and then it lost it, then good again, then lost it again. It goes like that back and forth back and forth back an forth for this past 24 hours. But I still sing Sparks Fly, For The First Time In Forever and All I Want For Christmas out loud though. And I learn something new from heatless curls. I did Katniss' Reaping Braid for someone's wedding and my mom did the braid when my hair is still damp so, when i open it, my hair got a damn cool waves! It was beautiful. I did it again last night and the improvement was awesome too. So, try girls. If you have hair, try.

I hope you had a great day :)
May the odds be ever in your favor,
Frey

Fearless

There's something about the way the street looks when it's just rained. There's a glow off the pavement, and you walk me to the car. And you know, I want to ask you to dance right there, in the middle of the parkling lot. We're driving down the road, I wonder if you know.. I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now, but you're just so cool, run your hand through your hair. Absent mindedly, making me want you.

And you know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first. You're fearless. And I don't know why but with you I'd dance, in the storm in my best dress. You're fearless.

So, baby, drive slow untill we run out of the road. In this one horse town, I want to stay right here, in this passanger seat. You put your eyes on me. In this moment now capture it, remember it.

Well you stood there with me in the doorway, my hand shake. I'm not usually this way but you pull me in and I'm a little more brave. It's the first time, it's flawless, it's really something.. It's fearless..

And you know how it gets better than this, you take my hand and drag me head first. You're fearless. And I don't know why but with you I'd dance, in the storm in my best dress.

You're fearless.

Sparks Fly

To : Sunday (01-06-02)

I'm gonna have to scream out loud, "Drop everything now. I DON'T CARE! I love you."

The way you move is like a full on rainstorm, and I'm a house of cards. You're the kind of reckless that should send me running, but I kinda know that I won't get far. And you stood there in front of me just close enough to touch. Close enough to hope you couldn't see what I was thinking of.

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. Laugh with me in the sidewalk, take away the pain. Because I see sparks fly whenever you smile. Get me with those black eyes, baby, as the lights goes down. Give me something that will haunt me whenever you're not around. Because I see sparks fly whenever you smile.

My mind forgets to remind me, that you're a bad idea. You touch me once and it's really something. You find I'm better than you, imagined I would be. I'm on my guard for the rest of the world, but with you.. No, it's no good. And I could wait patiently.. But I really wish you would drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. Laugh with me in the sidewalk, take away the pain. Because I see sparks fly whenever you smile.

I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild. Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, its just wrong enough to make it feel right. And lead me up the staircase, won't you whisper soft and slow..? Captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain. Laugh with me in the sidewalk, take away the pain. Because I see sparks fly whenever you smile. Get me with those black eyes, baby, as the lights goes down. Give me something that will haunt me whenever you're not around. Because I see sparks fly whenever you smile.

Because I see sparks fly whenever you smile,
Me

All Too Well

A tribute to me and 212521, 1 May 2013 - 11 March 2014

I walk through the door with you. The air was cold, but something about it felt like home somehow and I left my letter there at your locker in our old class and you still got it in your drawer, even now. Oh your sweet disposition, and my wide-eyed gaze. We're singing in the bus, getting lost upstate. The rain falling down like pieces into place, and I can picture it after all this days. And I know it's long gone, and that magic's not here anymore. And I might be okay but I'm not fine at all.

There we are again, on that hallway between class 5A and 5B, you almost ran the red because you're looking over me. Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Photo album on the counter, your cheeks was turning red. You used to be a little kid with glasses in twin sized bed. And your mother's telling stories about you in the tee ball team.. You tell me about your past, thinking your future was me. And I know it's long gone and there was nothing else I could do. And I forget about you long enough to forget why I needed to.

And there we are again, in the middle of the night. We'll keep bbm all night long if my mother wasn't there to bother us. Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well. Maybe we got lost in the trainslation, maybe I asked for too much or maybe this thing was a masterpiece, to you tore it all out. Running scared, I was there I remember it all too well.

And you call me up again just to break me like a promise. So casually cruell in the name of being honest. I'm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here, because I remember it all too well. Time won't fly, its like I'm paralyzed by it. I'd like to be my old self again, but I'm still trying to find it. After all those letters and nights when you made me your own, now you mail back my things and I walk home alone.

But you keep my old letters from that 1st day of May, because it reminds you of innocence, and it smells like me.You can't get rid of it, because you remember it all too well.

Because there we are again, when I loved you so. Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever know. It was rare, I was there I remember it all too well.

I'll never forget what you gave, did and say to me. I hope you still want to wear that dagadu shirt and that Jersey with 8 on it. I've already got Sunday, he's fine for me. He'll never treat me like you did. Someday, you'll regret you let me slip from your arms. You'll regret to let go this girl, the one real thing you've ever know. You'll remember our memories, and then asking to yourself why did you let me go.

Thank you for the beautiful memories :)
Your 'big sister',
Kakak

Dear Rayz

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you. Counting my foot steps, praying the floor won't fall through again. And my mother accused me of losing my mind but I swore, I was fine.. You paint me a blue sky, then go back and turn it to grey. And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules everyday. I'm wondering which version of you I might get on the phone. Tonight, well, I stopped picking up and this letter is to let you know why. 

Dear Rayz, I see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home.. I should've known..

Well, maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame. Or maybe it's you and your sick need, to give love then take it away. And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors, that don't understand. And I'll look back and regret, how I ignored when they said,

"Run as fast as you can."

Dear Rayz, I see it all now it was wrong. Don't you think eleven is too young to be played by your dark twisted game, when I loved you so..? I should've known..

You're an expert at sorry, and keeping lines blurry. Never impressed by me acing your tests. All the girls you've run dry, have tired, life-less eyes, because you burned them out. But I took your matches, before fire could catch me, so don't look now. I'm shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town.

Dear Rayz, I see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress cried the whole way home..

I see it all now that you're gone. Don't you think I was too young to be messed with? The girl in the dress wrote you a letter. You should've known, you should've known...

You should've known,

Me

THE RED TOUR, Coming To Indonesia

You will not believe it.

But Tay's going to Jakarta.

YEAHH!!!!!! I've been waiting this for my whole life! It will be at 4th of June (2 days after his birthday by the way :D), and the ticket's on sale this month. I'm too happy, tears is streaming down my face right now. I actually already know this for a while but I pretend I don't know it until the comercial statred to showing on television. It's presented by Cornetto. Know that ice cream? And I know why Cornetto's the one who sponsored her. Taylor LOVES ice cream. And Tay giving away bunches of presents if you trade codes from a limited edition Taylor Swift Cornetto. Isn't it a miracle?

I would love to see her live. I'm a person who can't sleep at night without a music and I listen to her, everynight. Nonstop. So if you're calling a true swiftie. You're calling ME.

I hope you have a nice day :) May the odds be ever in your favor,
Me

The Observation

My future Junior High School is SMPIT Buahati. And today, i have to spend my morning to go to that school to take the observation and test instead of hibernating in my bed. The test and the observation and also the interview is not that bad, it was fun. But what's ANNOYING is this girl. She started conversation with me and NEVER EVER let me talk. Not even once. She talks about herself, her family and her boyfriends, exes and her future husband. Yes. A future husband. Her dad already find her a future husband, and she's 11. She says many boys are chasing her but I'm looking at her body that looked like she's 9 months pregnant and I was llike this in my heart "What the..?! Okay. you're not my type of friend. Shu. Stay away." She said she have 100 RIBU rupiah for daily money. And she said she already been to Japan so many times and when I say my mom can speak Japanese and that she've been to japan for college, she ask my mom A MANY question. Like what's her BB pin, her what's app, phone number, what language again she can speak (because she heard me talking with mom with english.), and many more. It seems like she's jealos. If I have to start my freshman year in Junior High School with that girl as my BEST FRIEND, that'll be a totall nightmare. My dad says if she try to be as close as possible to me, just ignore her. Because I play with everyone but I only choose the really good one as a best friend. I would love to ignore her, but if she started gossip about me, my bad days in Elementary School will repeated again for the next 3 years.

But it was fun.

Then I begged my mom to buy books because I really need to read Catching Fire and Mockingjay and she finallly let me buy the books :D Yeay! She even let me buy (read : rob) clothes and dresses. I got two vintage dresses from this darling called Belle Ivy. I could buy the whole store and make it be my closet. It was just so.. Me. I even have vanilla latte. So a half-bad-half-good morning creates a really perfect rest of the day. But cut the walking really far and long in the damn mall part if you're talking perfect.

Well, that's my absurd weekend. What's yours?
Me